I Want Candy Page 18
“I’m in no way a psychologist or an expert on marriage. Look at me,” Gabriel chuckled, “I’m no one to talk. However, you have to know your worth. Everyone has a price, and if you’re giving yourself away and getting nothing in return, you’re running up a tab that can never be repaid. We can’t change anyone. We can only change our own outlooks, surroundings, and how we react to the circumstances we encounter.”
Candy took another sip of her wine, her hand slightly trembling. “What do you mean ‘everyone has a price?’” she leaned her head back lazily against the buttery chair leather.
“We can all be bought and sold. Some can be bought with promises of everlasting love, others with money, literally. In arranged marriages, it’s the promise of financial stability and unity between families. To our parents and grandparents, it’s a matter of getting what they want and trying to fulfill their partner’s needs. That’s how long-lasting relationships survive. Most of the time, both people are getting what they want. But when you stop getting what you want, things just don’t work out anymore. Let me give you a case in point. My ex-wife felt she didn’t have enough of me. I worked too much, but that wasn’t the only thing. She wanted to know everything. I’m a private person, too private at times, and I’m changing that because it hasn’t served me well, but she felt I was too guarded and cold. That’s just who I am, or was. It was how I was raised. In my world, boys don’t cry or show emotion. My father instilled that in me and my brothers. He was a very unemotional man – at times cruel.” Gabriel crossed his ankles and took another sip of his wine by the crackling fire. “Anyway, I had to change myself and evolve, but I couldn’t make my wife be the person I needed. I’m not blaming her. I wasn’t mistreated as you were, but we just stopped seeing eye to eye. Actually, we never did. We loved each other and got married without considering the fact that we were quite incompatible. We saw the world differently. I recognize that now and know what I need in a woman. I won’t settle for less because I take marriage seriously. I plan to remarry one day and stay that way. Eric and your situation is different. What you described was emotional abuse. You mentioned at least two physical altercations when he’s been under the influence. He obviously has a substance abuse problem. He has abused your trust on more than one occasion by being unfaithful, and he blames you for everything he did. He made a choice to become intoxicated, which later made him belligerent. He made a choice to avoid accountability. Eric’s problems have nothing to do with you. He chose all of that. We all make choices, Candy.”
“Eric and I loved each other,” Candy said gloomily. Gabriel looked over at her and gently reached to touch her fingertips. He grazed them with his own and looked deep into her eyes. The fire cast a light upon his face, chiseling out his jawbone. His eyes lit up, turning various shades of amber with sparkles of green and gold.
“Sometimes love just isn’t enough. You need mutual respect, admiration, friendship, passion, communication, and honesty.”
“I should be going, Mr. Justice. I shouldn’t even be here.” Candy stood up slowly, looking down as their hands left one another’s.
“For the hundredth time, don’t call me ‘Mr. Justice’ or I’ll start taking it out of your salary,” Gabriel smiled. “This is exactly where you should be. When I found you in your office today, I know you had rejected other people’s offers to speak with you. Everyone could see something was wrong, and you, Candy, are one of the few people in the office who doesn’t have an enemy. You’ve been distant for over a month. You have a heart of gold and are always there for others. When I walked in, you lowered your wall and showed me your heart. I was finally at the right place, at the right time. You were ready to start talking because you were ready to start healing. Nothing we discuss goes anywhere. It stays between us,” Gabriel assured. “I tried to stay out of your personal life, especially since you were still taking care of your professional duties, but enough was enough. I’ve never seen you so distraught. I knew it must have been terrible, if someone as strong and resilient as you was falling apart. You have the right to cry, curse, and yell. Someone you loved very much betrayed you, and now you’re trying to figure out your next step. You stay here as long as you wish.”
“As wonderful as you’ve been, including the talk here and your comfort to me right now, I really should leave. I promise to have my reports to you by the due date. Don’t worry yourself, I’ll just call a cab please.” Candy looked around the room anxiously.
“Forget the reports. Please take some time for yourself,” Gabriel said calmly as he pulled his cell phone out. “Yes, I need a driver to my house as soon as possible.”
BIG-BOSS COOKIES
2 cups of a lot of nerve
1 heaping scoop of serious sexiness
1 teaspoon of honey
2 tablespoons of tears
3 cups of salt, power, and prestige
4 melted butter sticks of “OOOH GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’?”
Bake for 15 minutes in 325-degree heat.
* * *
“He’s cute for a white man,” Jasmine stated blandly as she sat in the cafe with Dallas and Candy. She turned the page of the company newsletter, then flipped back to the small 2” x 3” photo of Gabriel, with his message of the month written below it.
“It doesn’t matter what he looks like,” explained Candy as she smirked and rolled her eyes, “he’s my boss, so he’s off limits. I’m still married too which you seem to have forgotten.” Candy took a timid taste of her hot cocoa with a splash of mint and a cloud of whipped cream. Jasmine rolled her eyes as she continued to review the dog-eared newsletter.
“Speakin’ of which,” Dallas said as she reached into her billfold, “here are the divorce papers you wanted.” Dallas gingerly handed them to Candy. Candy took them slowly and placed them on the table in front of her. She set her cup down and solemnly studied the legal contract. “I know you said don’t rush, but I had some time so…”
“No, this is fine,” Candy said in almost a whisper.
“Back to Gabriel – from what you’ve told us, I think he’s interested in you, and you should find out for sure,” Jasmine smiled deviously. Dallas and Candy shot her a look. “What? Look Dallas, Candy should be datin’. Her marriage to Eric was over before it began and…”
“Not now, Jasmine. Cool it!” Dallas warned, her dark eyes narrowing into threatening slits. Jasmine digressed, looking slightly injured as she retreated to the newsletter and her cup of iced caramel coffee.
Candy sighed and took an ink pen out of her brown and tan Coach purse. The pen was a gift from Gabriel. Candy smiled as she looked at the limited edition number etched on it. Only a few employees received them. It was made of gold and silver, and the company logo was engraved on the side along with her initials. She took another deep breath and signed the back of the divorce papers then quickly pushed them to her right, back into the hands of Dallas. Dallas looked at Candy, who now stared out the window. The soft rain fell against the pavement. People walked hurriedly to their cars, gripping their newspapers, laptops, and beverages as they tried to dodge the raindrops. Dallas nodded with a silent understanding of her friend’s feelings as she put the papers back into her billfold. Dallas and Jasmine began to converse about a new eatery that was opening downtown. Candy’s thoughts drifted once more as she wrung her hands. The light mark around her ring finger was becoming less prominent with time. She looked down at her finger and shook her head in disbelief before returning to looking out the window. This time, she saw a beautiful young lady with long locks. Her skin glistened like black diamonds against a starlit sky. She had two glossy red shopping bags in tow and legs that went up to Heaven. Her upper thighs were wrapped in a black miniskirt. She wore a teal silk blouse that probably cost more than your average Joe’s salary for an entire week. Taken by her radiance, Candy didn’t initially notice the man standing beside the woman. He had parked the car and joined the woman, placing a large, clear umbrella over her head like a transparent halo. His blon
de crew cut and crisp shirt was paired with a dazzling smile and intense, dark-brown eyes.
‘They look happy,’ Candy thought. ‘I wonder if she loves him.’
DIVORCE-PAPER PARSNIPS
1 1/2 pounds of parsnips, peeled and cut into 2 1/2 inch slices of pride
4 teaspoons of extra virginhood for a new start and swagger
Salt and pepper to spice it up
1/3 cup of paper stock – a 20-page legal contract
3 tbsp of unsalted butter, softened
1/2 tbsp of finely chopped “Get the hell out of my life and stay out!”
1/2 tbsp of minced feelings and regrets
1/2 small garlic clove to fight off the vampire urge to return and feast on your dead relationship.
* * *
Candy sighed as she slammed down her diary. “Thank God this is almost over. How foolish I was,” she said as she flipped through the last pages. She left her bedroom and looked at the clock in the kitchen as she poured herself a glass of wine – 2:13AM.
“I can’t believe I’ve been up this late.” She shook her head. Something was compelling her to finish the journal. Jogging back up the steps, she snuggled under the sheets, stroked her cat’s soft fur, and picked up the diary where she left off.
* * *
“Why are you callin’ me?” Candy asked as she wrapped herself in her burgundy terry cloth robe and put down the enormous slice of gooey, cherry pie on the kitchen island. The billow of whipped cream toppled over, covering the shiny silver fork.
“So because we’re divorced, I can’t call you?” Eric huffed as he walked swiftly down the loud, busy street, gripping his cell phone tightly.
“I know you want something. Every time you call me lately, you want something. Ever since I saw you in court, you’ve been asking for things. You even tried to get alimony. What is it now?” Candy asked as she licked her fingertips.
“I honestly was just callin’ to say ‘hi,’ but I do wish you’d stop talkin’ to my mother,” Eric added as he raced across the street to the work crew, placing his hard hat on.
“What? Eric, she’s the one callin’ me apologizin’ for her son’s pathetic behavior. She knows you lost a good one and…”
“Well, she’s my mother, and I don’t need you bad-mouthing me to her. Talk to your own mom!” he yelled.
“I do talk to my mother, but she travels a lot now that she no longer owns the beauty shop and has her new gig. Besides, your mother’s like a second mom to me. Just because I divorced you doesn’t mean I divorced her!” Candy hung up abruptly. Her nerves were once again riled. Quickly, she retrieved the ivory plate and placed a forkful of the warm pie in her mouth. The sweet, sticky, red deliciousness swirled in her mouth. She closed her eyes as she swallowed. Bit by bit, the entire serving was devoured. Reaching back into the refrigerator, she retrieved the rest of the pie. By midnight, the entire thing was gone, minus a few buttery crumbs. Candy rubbed her aching stomach as she slumbered on the couch. In and out of consciousness, she experienced bizarre dreams. One was of a lime-green kangaroo chasing her down a long, winding, black-and-white marble hallway. There was a baby in her pouch, but it wasn’t a joey. It was a tiny girl with a big, yellow bow in her curly hair. She had no eyes, but a tiny nose and large, full lips. Candy’s eyes flew open as the kangaroo cornered her.
“What kinda nonsense was that?” she asked herself, short of breath. Her body lay stiff under the thick quilt. On the television were back-to-back infomercials. She lazily rose and walked up the steps to her bedroom. She went into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet as she watched her cat nudge the door open. She laughed. “I can’t even take a shit without you comin’ around, huh?” She flushed the toilet, and out of the corner of her eye, noticed the scales shoved behind the golden Pier 1 trashcan. She hesitated then walked over. She stood on it, watching the digital numbers finally rest. She breathed heavily. Tears welled in her eyes until finally they coated her cheeks with understanding. She turned suddenly away and looked in the mirror. Opening her robe, she exposed her swollen, nude body. Her stomach jutted out. Her breasts, almost two times their normal size, reminded her of fake breasts, only hers were no longer perky. Rows of stretch marks went up the sides of her thighs and breasts, none due to pregnancy. She turned around, looking over her shoulder and shuddered as she viewed the newest dimples to populate her once-smooth derriere.
“Is this who I am?” she asked out loud. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach and rushed towards the toilet, vomiting the dessert she had just consumed. With her robe hanging half off her body and her hair tucked behind her ears, she shook, feeling like a shell of her once-vibrant self. “This can’t go on,” she uttered as she slumped over next to the toilet.
LOST-INSIDE-OF-YOURSELF FRIED RICE
3 green-eyed devils (envy of others that have what you believe you should have)
2 large egos (one for your inner self and one for the outer you)
1 tsp salt
Hot peppers (sliced thin)
4 tbsp of self-pity
4 cups of cooked self-destruction
1 tsp of self-doubt that will grow to the size of a mountain if you let it.
* * *
Candy read the last few pages of her diary. She closed the journal and looked aimlessly out her window. Thoughts swirled in her head like clouds of smoke. They were painful and coming so fast, she could not get out of her own way. She held herself tightly, sobbing deeply as the pain rushed through her body, taking her over from head to toe. The thoughts were coming like contractions giving birth to a hideous truth. She momentarily gained her composure and sat in the darkness of the cool, beautifully decorated bedroom. All she could hear was her cat’s purring and the wind ruffling leaves outside every so often. She opened her mouth and gasped.
“I’m ready to let this go,” she said as the pain continued to riddle her soul with pulsating accusations and realities. “I’m ready!” she yelled, causing Enchanted to leap off the bed. She cried heavily as she clenched her knees, cradling them close to her chest. Something – someone, was holding her. It was invisible, but there. The pureness of a divine rescue was in her midst. The room felt lighter, and her body seemed weightless. Her heartbeat slowed, the tears subsided, and a newness of love shone through the crevices of her emotional well being. A glow emanated from her spirit, causing laughter and release. The grimace that had covered her face in a scowl of self-hatred was replaced with freedom and joy. Years of torment were being dissolved. Her heart was not indeed irreparable.
“You’ve got work to do,” Candy whispered as she rose from the bed and opened her nightstand drawer. She looked at the cookies, chips, and candies stored within. Swiftly walking over to the trashcan, she discarded them all. The loud clunk they made as they hit the bottom gave her a sense of relief. For the first time in a long time, she felt hope.
SESAME GINGER TUNA KEBABS
1 lb. tuna fillet, cut into 16 cubes
16 mushrooms
16 cherry tomatoes
1/2 cup light Asian dressing
8 scallions, trimmed and cut into 2" pieces
The first of many delicious, fat-buster recipes to come!
* * *
CHAPTER 11
“So what does that have to do with you cancelling on me?” Gabriel asked as he grinned mischievously. “I’m on vacation. And besides, I’m an adult, and so are you. We can be friends outside the office.” Gabriel lifted his wine glass and looked at Candy with inquiring eyes. Candy squirmed in her chair. The restaurant was mysteriously dark, sweet cello music was playing, and the meal before her probably cost more than she made in one day.
“Look, Mr. Justice, I accepted your dinner invitation because – well, we’re friends, but then you asked about another outing for breakfast, and I said ‘yes,’ but…I know it’s inappropriate. I just don’t feel…comfortable,” Candy explained as she tried to ignore the glimmer in his eyes.
“How is having brunch with a friend a bad thin
g?” Gabriel asked, his left eyebrow raised in confusion.
“Because I don’t date people I work with.” Candy looked around the restaurant, feeling self-conscious. She rubbed her arms as if she were cold and bit her bottom lip. The recent loss of twenty-six pounds had done her a world of good, but she hardly noticed. Instead, she dove headfirst into her work and a new gym membership.
“I see,” Gabriel said before taking another sip of his wine. “We’ve been out several times, and now you’re finding objection. I find that, well, puzzling and slightly offensive. I mean, honestly, for years we’ve had lunch on and off, and you never said these things. So what if lunch is now brunch? Is it because I’m white?” he asked as he crossed his ankles.
Candy’s eyes widened. She looked around again nervously.
“Lower your voice!” she whispered. “No! Of course not.”
“OK. Well, now that I’ve shown interest in you as more than an employee and friend over the course of the last two months, why is it a problem?” Gabriel asked.
“As I said, Mr. Justice, I don’t date coworkers.” Candy grimaced.
“Then why is it that for the past two months you’ve been flirting back to me?” Candy’s body became hot all over. Embarrassment crept up her spine and claimed her as a laughing stock.
“Back the bus up!” Candy said before downing the rest of her wine to build up nerve. “I’m not aware of any flirting on my part or yours. I was going out with you because you said it would do me good,” Candy halfheartedly explained.