Forgive Me Father For I Have Loved Read online

  “Why do you seem ever taller now?” She laughed as she closed and locked the door behind them.

  “Because you have on no shoes.” He casually glanced down at her bare feet, then back up at her face, swallowing.

  Such perfect feet.

  She pointed to the couch. “Come on and have a seat.”

  Rather than take her cue, though, he took her into his arms and kissed her softly, quickly, then again, a lingering kiss—and again, soft kisses, over and over, until her breathing accelerated. Only then did he take her by the hand to a chair, where he sat and pulled her on his lap.

  He leaned back and closed his eyes.

  “Dane, what’s wrong?” she asked after a few quiet seconds.

  He slowly opened his eyes and ran his hand over his hair, messing it up, bringing it toward his face. It had been a long, emotionally exhausting day, but he needed to do this. The time was now.

  “Baby, I need to talk to you about some things,” he said, and felt her stiffen. “I’ve—”

  “Well, the last few days, you’ve been acting strange...” She slid off his lap, leaving him by his lonesome.

  “Rhapsody, I know. I had a lot of things on my mind, and I was trying to sort it all out. Look, I need you to just listen to me for a moment,” he said, “and once I’m finished, ask all the questions you want, okay? This is a discussion, but first, I need to get it all out.”

  She seemed to relax. He hated to admit it, but it pleased him that she, too, feared he could disappear, that the threat was very much real. Though she didn’t say it, her eyes let him know. She’d played it so cool for so long, and all of that was finally over. Reaching out, he gently grabbed her and made her claim her original position on his lap.

  “I’m leaving the priesthood.”

  Their eyes locked. Then, as if they were in some old, black and white horror movie with Vincent Price making a grand announcement, a strike of lightning lit up the room, and soon, soft rain began to hit the windows, just like earlier in the day. The rain was back. They looked at each other and laughed at the irony.

  “Uh, when…” She stopped and cleared her throat. “When did you come to this decision?” she asked, her voice soft and low, as if she were afraid she may wake someone sleeping in the next room.

  He ran his hand slowly up and down her back, resisting the urge to kiss her again. “When I realized I couldn’t live without you... Since the church will make me choose, well,” he looked away, a slight bit of sadness stabbing at his chest, “then I choose you...”

  He didn’t miss the way her face brightened. Leaning a bit forward, she ran her hand along the bottom of her foot, massaging it gently.

  “I am going to request a meeting. I already gave a written heads up, without saying what it entailed as I want to get my affairs in order first. So this will take a little while, but I let the bishop know I needed a moment with him.”

  Rhapsody remained quiet. He reached over and took her hand.

  “Is your family okay?”

  “Oh, the family emergency? That was me telling my parents about what I’m telling you right now. I told them first out of respect so they wouldn’t hear about it from someone else later. It was a tense situation, but it needed to be done. My family has problems,” he said thoughtfully, slowly releasing her hand. “I wanted to talk to you about this previously, but you were resistant to the idea. I believe I understand why, but it can’t be put off any longer.”

  She ran her fingers lightly through his hair.” I’m sorry. I did want to know, I just didn’t want you to have any remorse or anything, just like I said. That probably wasn’t the best way to handle it. I thought I was helping you, alleviating some of the pressure. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression, Dane. Honestly, I just wanted you to feel comfortable, to not have any regrets. Please believe me when I tell you it was more about my love for you, than my own problems. I didn’t know you felt that way, but regardless, I’m listening now. I’m ready to hear it, all of it.” She sat straighter.

  “You know how you saw me with that alcohol in the park?”

  “Yes.”

  “I admitted to you that I had a drinking problem. I still have a sponsor and when you saw me, I was in the middle of another relapse. I know I told you that part, but I never told you why. I never addressed what triggered it.”

  “Okay,” she said, keeping her expression neutral.

  “Even though I attended meetings and prayed to keep myself on track, things had fallen apart. I had stopped going to meetings when Josh told me he was sick; that was part of the problem and I had no one to talk to.”

  “Dane.” She frowned. “I’m sorry you felt so alone... There seem to be people around you all the time, I would’ve thought you had a lot of friends.”

  “Not any that I would feel comfortable sharing something like that with. Yes, the other priests knew I had a drinking problem from the past, but they didn’t know I’d relapsed. If they had of known, I would have been sent away, and I wouldn’t have wanted that. I knew what the problem was, like I said, I just couldn’t address it, at least not right then.”

  “Well,” she caressed the side of his face, “what are your triggers?”

  “Trying to be everything to everybody. It had to stop and tonight, I took a big step towards closing that door.”

  She nodded in understanding, and intertwined her small fingers with his. He looked down at their linked hands, loving the skin tone contrast and the softness of her flesh against his. He was dropping a lot in her lap, but if he wanted her, he needed to offer full disclosure.

  “I’m open to you.” He pulled her closer, making her squeal. “You can ask me anything you want. I want you to, baby.”

  “Just do it,” she said, smiling. “Dane, just tell me everything you want me to know, and I’ll put on my big girl panties and listen to it all, and then I will tell you what I think.”

  “Okay, well, my family is really dysfunctional, Rhapsody.”

  “Whose isn’t?” She laughed.

  “Yeah, that’s true, but this was...well…” He shook his head and leaned back as she slid off his lap, sat right beside him and locked her hand with his once more. “This was more than average. I am going to tell you everything that I told Josh. I am going to tell you when the drinking started, what the specific event was and then when I’m finished, after you kick me out on my butt...just remember I love you.” He touched his forehead to hers.

  “Just go ahead! It couldn’t be all as bad as you make it out to be.”

  Twenty minutes later, Rhapsody was lying across his lap while he ran his fingertips slowly back and forth across her collar bone.

  “Thanks for telling me,” she said sincerely. She looked up at him, her mahogany eyes glowing. “No one family is perfect, and I already knew about the drinking; you were forthcoming with that, and I appreciate it. I knew you weren’t drinking anymore. It was just instinct, I guess.”

  “No more secrets...”

  “Dane, I’ve been around you long enough now where I can tell when you are having a good day, hiding something or upset. This definitely explains why you’ve seemed preoccupied as of late...distracted. I am so sorry you went through all of that, honey.”

  He swallowed and remained quiet, continuing to feel her silky skin, his body coming awake, screaming for closeness. He initially tried to fight it, push the thoughts away, but he didn’t want to fight any more. He wanted her...needed her, had to have her. Pulling her closer, he brought his lips to hers, while she cupped the back of his neck. Without hesitation, he drove his tongue between her lips, inside her mouth, taking her off guard. She gasped, then wrapped her arms even tighter around his neck. Dane sighed, and his pulse accelerated. Sliding his hands to her back and under her knees, he stood and carried her to the bedroom.

  “Dane,” she traced his face, her sultry voice slightly cracking, “are you sure?”

  Pushing the bedroom door open, he walked in, laid her down onto her partially unmade
bed and covered her with his body, pushing her thighs apart.

  There’s your answer...

  He felt so safe as their warmth embraced him close.

  He lifted her arms above her head, linked their fingers and kissed her hard. His erection pushed into her stomach, flourishing, determined. Letting her hands go, he explored down her body, first her arm, then her waist and thigh through the silk of her gown. Reaching for the hem of the nightgown, he pulled it up until it was bunched around her hips. She sighed, pushing her face in the cool sheets, eyes closed in anticipation of pleasure as he let his hands trail up her inner thighs. He massaged the skin there, gently, as he kissed up and down her neck.

  “Ahhh,” she moaned. “Mmmm!” Louder, as she wrapped her legs around his waist and bit down on her bottom lip. “Dane, just so you know, I’m on birth control.”

  He simply looked at her, not sure how to respond. He didn’t want the mood ruined, or their encounter to turn into an after-school special. He was sure most men would have been relieved at such an announcement, but he wasn’t most men...

  Then, he pushed her words aside, and stayed on course.

  Getting up off of her for a moment, he quickly removed his shirt, casting it haphazardly across the room, then undid his zipper. He watched her watching him, and it spurred him on. Now in only his underwear, he lay back down on top of her, kissing her cheek, taking in the sweetness of her flesh against his lips.

  “Rhapsody...” he moaned in her ear.

  “Yeah,” she said dreamily.

  “I love you so much.”

  “...I love you, too.”

  “You may need to cancel your plans tomorrow,” he said, nibbling on her ear. “I want to stay the whole night.” Closing his lips around the lobe, he sucked hard, and she took a sharp breath and arched her back.

  “I dunno...I may have to make you earn that right.” Her smile gleamed in the dim room.

  “Oh, believe me, I’ll earn it.”

  She laughed as he pushed her aggressively toward the headboard, his heavy hands grasping onto the sides of her hips, placing her just where he wanted her.

  “You sure have a lot of confidence for someone that has been out of practice for so long,” she joked, teasing him by slipping her nightgown strap off her shoulder and exposing part of her left breast.

  “When you knew how to do something well, if you did it right, it doesn’t matter if it was thirty seconds ago or thirty years...it’s like riding a bike or playing the piano...”

  Your body is my altar...

  “Mmmm.” She moaned as he pushed her legs apart and made himself comfortable, his erection now thicker, longer and stronger as he grinded against her panty covered entrance. The warmth of her lower lips against his engorged muscle sent his nerve endings into an abyss of pure pleasure. He kept rubbing against her, driven to go a bit harder and deeper at each rotation as they kissed so intensely, their breath hitched on each other’s rhythmic tongue strokes.

  “Mmmm, Dane...” Her head fell back but he pulled her back, and consumed her lips once more, without shame or remorse. Regret never crossed his mind. He simply went with the flow, following his heart, taking her in. He believed that this was where he belonged, where he was supposed to be ... and what he was supposed to do. He admitted he was in a state of weakness, but he needed her body against his, her love in his heart, and he wanted them at the same exact time.

  Leaving her lips, he rose on his hands and looked down at her partially covered breasts. Staring into her eyes, he slowly slid the nightgown straps down from her shoulders and arms, until her soft mounds were completely exposed. He smiled at the luscious sight. Bending down, he took a round, perky nipple in his mouth while massaging the other, his fingers pressing into the delicate, delectable softness causing her to utter things he’d never heard before. Sexy, dirty things that fueled his blood. The more he rubbed against her love, the more vocal she became about her pleasure. He slowly sped up his pace until he’d swelled painfully through the slit of his underwear and slid against her moistened lower lips, still covered in the panties, but soaking wet.

  He transferred his mouth to the other breast, and softly wound several strands of her hair around his finger, feeling the curled texture against his digit. He smiled as he felt her growing even wetter, his now semi-exposed nature hard with desire.

  “I want you so bad!” burst from his between his lips as he ran his hands roughly up and down her silken body. Every fiber of his being was awakened and alert, as if he had been a dark, abandoned home, and then all the lights were switched on, blazing, and a party of epic proportions was taking place inside. He slid her gown the rest of the way off and had it join his clothing somewhere across the darkened room. Slowly, slowly, slowly...he kissed his way down her body, past her rib cage, then her navel, until his lips brushed against a small thatch of soft, dark hair. He felt her shake as he gently opened her legs wider and positioned himself between her warm inner thighs. He gingerly opened her lips with his thumbs, then closed his eyes. It had been so long, but this felt so right...

  One tongue flick...across her clitoris, then another, until he had her spread wide open, and he licked, sucked, and devoured her garden, making her moan loudly, rise from the bed and buck against his lips. He quickly reached under her, grabbing her ass cheeks so hard, his fingers sank into the soft fleshy globes. All the while, he held her in place, so that she’d never leave his mouth again...

  Murmuring intelligible things, she shook in his grip, while he tasted her, and he loved it, wanted it.

  “Mmmm Dane! Oh! Shit...”

  Delicious...

  Her thighs tightened as she approached her orgasm, and he so desperately wanted to see and feel it. He loved that he was giving her pleasure, and though initially it was a bit awkward as he regained his bearings, moving about blindly in her womanly terrain, he soon fell right in line—knew exactly what to do, and how to do it. He was devoted to her, wanting only to bring her the maximum release.

  The instrumental to Kanye West, Jay Z and Frank Oceans’, ‘No Church In The Wild’ played in the background, stirring him on, making the gifted musician’s body bend and melt to her lover’s every move, his mouth now her percussion. He knew she’d been practicing the tune and playing it on her piano for a student...and he loved the song. The rhythm filled her bedroom, the baseline loud and commanding, the tempo reminiscent of a grand cowboy entrance.

  Dane snaked his tongue inside of her, and she screamed so loud he thought the windows would shake. Her back arched over the green satin sheets, submitting to the sensations he gave her. Sliding his arms and hands underneath her and lifting her slightly above his chin, he continued to devour every single bit of her sweetness. The rhythm of their bodies echoed the music—strong, pounding, passionate. Looking up, he didn’t miss the gleam of ecstasy in her eyes. He redirected himself, orally massaging her, tonguing down her clitoris, sucking it more vigorously, then ran his tongue quickly back and forth across it, and in jagged, hard circles. And at last, he felt her falling apart, her screams piercing as he gingerly lowered her back down onto the emerald sheets. Immediately, he slid a finger inside of her and continued to work her over, her juice coating his lips and chin.

  “Mmmm!” He groaned as he tasted her honey and heard her body sing. Shivering uncontrollably, she screamed out his name, her hands running ruggedly through his hair. He went on and on, wanting to make sure he got every liquefied musical note out of her. She clawed at his bare back, writhing and wiggling until finally, she was still ... quiet ... and then, there it was ... a light giggle, then another, until he too smiled and slowly ascended back up her body. He crawled over her like a tiger out of a thicket, and when he got where he wanted, he landed a gentle kiss on first her cheek, then her neck.

  He grinned. “So even though it’s been awhile, and I’m out of practice, I take it I did okay.”

  She looked away shyly, and he loved that. His confident muse was now speechless, as an occasional ling
ering orgasmic twitch from her body made her jump beneath him. Bending down, he kissed her softly on the lips before rising back on his knees, and sliding down his boxer shorts, casting them toward the bottom of the bed, devoured by the darkness, forever more. He burst out laughing as he watched her eyes widen and she cover her mouth with her hand.

  “What? You thought I didn’t have one anymore? Like we have to turn it in or something, like money and jewelry before being booked for jail,” he teased.

  “Dane, damn! You got it goin’ on!” She crowed. “I mean, I felt it, when we were grinding, I figured it was nice but...yeah...this is going to be good. … And that sounds so superficial, sorry.”

  Her laughter subsided when he glided back over her body, flesh to flesh, their naked temples sliding against one another.

  “No, you aren’t,” he taunted, “but I’m glad it meets your expectations.”

  He was so hungry for her, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to last much longer. Before he knew it, she was feverishly reaching between their bodies, trying to reach his prized bodily possession. He followed her lead, and soon, he turned on his back as she slid down his body and hungrily eyed his manhood. With bated breath, he waited. He was ready to take her there, to heaven and back, but she had something else in mind...

  Closing his eyes, he gave in to the sensation of her small warm hands around the base, and before long, her hot, wet mouth was on it, up and down, licking and sucking, turning him into a puddle of his former self.

  “Mmmmm!” His legs stiffened, his body went wild as the long lost sexual healing took him over. The wet sounds of her tongue and mouth gripping and releasing him stoked the fire inside him. Gently gripping the back of her head, he lightly thrust, meeting her rhythm, falling into an abyss of extreme sexual pleasure.

  “Rhapsody, ohhhhh baby. That feels so good!”

  He groaned when she paused and took one his testicles into her hot mouth, slowly sucking then gliding the tip of her soft tongue over the sensitive, rounded flesh. Lifting himself up, he reached out, going out of his mind, then fell back against the bed. He sank his teeth into his bottom lip, stifling an orgasmic scream, pressing his eyes closed.